Vivien @ b00n' S dreamword **梦幻文言**: useless me!
I'm not supposed to love you,
I'm not supposed to care,
I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there,
I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do, Sorry I just couldn't help myself,
I fell in love with you.


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Vivien @ boon who originate from a kampung in Johor, now spending her bored life in Sunway. Like to dream a lot and crazy about everything she believed to be worth it. Yet, thing that she believe always hurt her most!

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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

>>>@@ useless me! @@<<<


skipped another stacey's medical micro tutorial today though she had warned us to attend. been scolded by val n MZ for this as well as advising me to back for class, but it seem no use on me... i know they are worrying me for another failing of the subject, it jus tat... i donno what i supposed to do now...

not tat i don wanna attend classes and tutorials, jus tat i don feel like going. looking back, most of my peer had been a step forward - some already in working field while others in their post graduate studies... and where m i? still at the same point where they left me... everyone is growing and i remain dormant!

i cant say everyone around me are pressuring me... but i jus don feel like doing anything... not interested in finding a part time job (though i m getting broke instead and need moneys really..) similarly for studies, i don feel like doing my revision though i know tat's wat i m supposed to do at this moment since i been skipping class... for my so-called temporary job (a beauty assistant?) i had done some work for the past few weeks, yet it doesn't means that i had complete my task... there's still long to go, and i donno when and where should i stop!

at this moment, i sort of giving up myself: not attending class, not doing revision, not doing my job, don care about families, don care about others, and don care bout myself... everyday i hang up till late nite and sleep till late morning or sometimes afternoon, skipped all the morning class, then had some brunch at corner, if still no class aftertat, back home and sitting in front of the pc, blogging, checking emails, chatting msn and end up my anime marathon till late nite... and the cycle repeat... such life make me feel useless... u can ask me to do sth... but wat can i do? i done have any particular skills tat make myself confidence to take up any job... be a tutor? my results are damn fucking and shamful to show to the principals compared to other tutors... sales representative? i had no any better communication skill to entertain those clients or customers... and i don like to approach ppl... i don have such braveness or sometime we call thick face... (i use peeling product so frequently tat make my skin thineer and thinner la...) had an office job? who wanna employed a person who need to take leave during the mid-day of weekdays to attend lab? doing MLM? oh no... i hate tat so much.... so... still being useless... sleeping and eating and spending money where the bank account is no longer stay at the 4 digit places not 3 digits anymore...

ya.. exam is nearer and nearer, and i suppose to start study or revising in order to let me graduate finally.... but? do i really can pass it? i have no any confidence on it... nor to other uncertainties that coming later... feel lost.. feel uncertained and tat's me- the useless stupid me!


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Vien reaching out for eternity | 5:31 pm | 1 Dreamz | link post
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