Vivien @ b00n' S dreamword **梦幻文言**: Doubtsssssss
I'm not supposed to love you,
I'm not supposed to care,
I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there,
I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do, Sorry I just couldn't help myself,
I fell in love with you.


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Vivien @ boon who originate from a kampung in Johor, now spending her bored life in Sunway. Like to dream a lot and crazy about everything she believed to be worth it. Yet, thing that she believe always hurt her most!

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Sunday, August 20, 2006

>>>@@ Doubtsssssss @@<<<


I doubt wat should I do at this moment…

Been sitting in front of the computer middle of the night where most of u (even my owl-life housemate busying on her primer things) had dating with mr zhou gong or his daughter or son since last week (or even longer time)… sleepy? Not really, it’s jus tat I really donno wat should I do…

Doubt, where should I be? Working office or campus study?

Having a retake on one a single subject now, which took me only a maximum of 7 hours per week. Sound relax rite? Shouldn’t be a problem on having a part time job. Yet? The schedules of the classes (lecture, tutorials and lab) were damn fucking stupid. Out of the 5 weekdays, 4 had been occupied with class (which sometimes I only had an hour class per day!) how do u expect I get a normal job with tis kind of timetable? yet, i do really get somekind of JOB from my dearest but treating-me-as-super-duber-allthingdone auntie who own a skincare company to be her customer service executive, which she require me to complete some task that she used to require 3 FULL-TIME employees to complete, and need me to take over with jus a maximum of 5 hours that i can offer to her! so i now consider again, to decline her offer when i back to office end of this month... and now i m consider jobless again... a useless ppl...

focus on study? nah~ i do really understand y some of my coursemate who failed their particular subject can retake and failed and retake again... ppl may think tat retaking a subject tat u had oledi knoe wat is going on should be easier to pass, which now i claimed tat it is not! becos... jus as discussed with michi (the other retaking student with me) we r so so so fade out on reading those notes that i had read years ago... had been struggling year ago...! it sound like we knoe, yet we don really can score! nevertheless, if i give up attending the class, i may end up screwing up my exam again! i cant accept this! i don wanna fail and retake the fucking subject again...

Doubt again... my future...
i donno where will i end up after graduating... futher study for honours? i so unconfident of myself tat do i really manage to go thru wat val is going thru now? and the most concern problem is: do my parent really afford for my tuition fees? my brother is graduating from secondary school now and may proceed to his tertiary study (which might need a sum of money if he doesn't wanna go for stpm), and wat make me worried about the financial problem is that the involvement of those multi level marketing company who additting my parent to INVEST so much money into it! (and tat's the reason y there are such a funny link in my blog down there)

Doubt too... for my complicated so-called relationship...
tat fellow had been dissapeared again for more than a month now... especially when i most need him at this moment, he is not be my side... nevermind... get used of it! and? wat about other affair? i don even bother to give a fuck on them, which make me think of myself wat m i waiting for? wat m i looking forward? my fren even ask me whether m i a lesbian since i not so interested on guy? hahaha... funny... if he is rite, then maybe my housemate will keep a constant distance of at least 10 meter from me soon... will u?

doubt doubt doubt....

and there are so many to comes on... study? career? financial? family? relationship? frenship (sooner or later)? and wat's more...? still an uncertainties...

watever it is... i don care anymore... jus let it be...study or not? tat's ur problem! u don work, u cant dependent from the family, u can feed urself and tat again is ur problem! they wanna fight, then let them fight amongs urself, but make sure the news din spread to u.. and don wanna knoe wat is going on down there in da house!he wanna come, let him come... if not, then never think bout him when u need someone to be with u! if anything happened, don blame others.. blame urself as a useless gal~

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


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Vien reaching out for eternity | 4:20 am | 4 Dreamz | link post
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